What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 07:33
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Trump administration’s deep cuts to public health leave system reeling - PBS
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
The Genetic Mystery of Why Cats Purr May Finally Be Solved - ScienceAlert
It was going to be , some day.
Im still living with it.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Is It Finally a Buyer’s Market in Housing? - A Wealth of Common Sense
Why did i forgive my father ?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
How do you get a teenage boy to care about hygiene?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
General framework bridges quantum thermodynamics and non-Markovianity - Phys.org
I waited trembling.
She wouldn,t have been !
The only rule us 5 kids had .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Comes on , in middle age.
˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗ NEW WOMAN - analysis ˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Why do atheists want to see God so badly?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I was very sick at this time too.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
This Google experimental app lets you run powerful AI models without Wi-Fi - Android Police
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I don,t even have a pension.
Sorting Out Long COVID Symptoms in Babies - Medscape
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Would this be the day?
Was to survive, this bastard.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I couldn’t, believe it.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Put me off passion for life!!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
So whats the point in blame.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
What did i know ?
But it wasn’t much.
One cannot live in the past .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was scared of men, in general
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She was in good health!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
My family never makes their pension either.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I was 9 years of age.
When she asked me how she looked .
This is soul school!.
We were not on the streets..
I could never make a relationship work though!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
As i do to all so called friends.?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And i lived it daily.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I have no regrets .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She loved him until the end.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I never cut or harmed myself..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
We all went to grammer schools
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He resisted the act ,that day.
I write beautiful poetry .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She married twice! .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But, we were locked up after school.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
(And it was in our own minds.)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Ive learnt so much.
She found it foreign!.
He knew the spot.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I was seconnd youngest,
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
All the time i was locked up.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I think the readers, may guess!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My life is so biszare .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I said to her
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I will be 64.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
So, i spoilt her more .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Who then, do I blame.?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.